How To Make Apple Butter As A Proxy For Social Relationships

Dear Blog,

I am making apple butter tonight. Frankly, I do not know why everyone is not making apple butter right this instant. All I did was chop up apples and throw them in a crock pot with some other stuff! Hours later, presumably I will get apple butter and then I can spread it on toast if I have toast and if I don't have toast I can spread it on pancakes, because I always have pancakes - it's a fact of life. If it is so delicious and also so easy, it makes no sense no to make apple butter right now. I canceled my participation in all activities outside of my apartment for the evening, so that I could stay here, cook apple butter, and work uninterrupted from now until FOREVER or tomorrow, whichever comes first. I am weary of working, but more than anything, I believe I have not been doing a good job acknowledging that I may in fact have social needs as well as material ones. Unfortunately, making friends is not as easy as making apple butter. In order to have meaningful social relationships, you have to invest time and energy in a sustained way over a period of time and have that time and energy be reciprocated. Lately, I have either failed to make initial effort or have been disappointed by  nonreciprocal relationships, and as a result I have sort of tried to convince myself I don't need anything of that sort. Not true! While cooking might seem reciprocal and mutually gratifying - you cook the apples, they get to become more concentrated and delicious, you get to eat apple butter, they get to be useful - I need someone to make me laugh and make me feel better in weeks like this one where I feel daunted by the amount of stuff going on. I need to work on cultivating those kinds of relationships, but it will have to wait until I am less swamped and more ready to venture out of my apartment.

All the best,
Brita

"Some bears build nests in trees for sunbathing and resting."

Today on my way to La Cabana where a to-go veggie burrito smothered in something similar to but not exactly cheese was waiting for me to pick up, another student who I don't know mistook me for her French professor. "Sorry - you have the same haircut," she said by way of explanation. This is momentous. First, this provides evidence for my theory of the semester that nobody knows who I am, and now they are confusing me with non-students. Secondly, and more importantly, I can pass for a middle-aged female French professor, which can only mean one thing: I am incredibly sophisticated, yes? 

Well, this incredibly sophisticated French-professor-imposter is sitting at home (still the same home, 1001 4th Avenue, although our brilliant and thoughtful landlord replaced the brass letters on the front door with a "1011") sitting on the couch surveying the remains of a pleasantly mediocre burrito. It's been a long week, and I think it's time for a bath and bed. But first let me list the highs and lows of this week.

High: the weather was gorgeous and sunny and the leaves are beginning to turn. 

Low: I accidentally slept through 30 mins. of my soc. theory class because I was having a dream where I was competing with the alarm clock for who could be the most patient... I won... 

High: I ate a whole cherry pie and watched El Topo, the extremely weird surrealist cult-western movie by Alejandro Jodorowsky.

Low:  I ate a whole cherry pie and watched El Topo, the extremely weird surrealist cult-western movie by Alejandro Jodorowsky.

High: I heard back from two Stockholm University professors about advising my potential Fulbright year. 

Low: Professor number 1 wrote: "but I must inform you, I am very old and tired."

High: I went apple picking and bought a bunch of squash and pumpkins.

Low: the next two weeks are going to be completely crazy and work-filled because I spent the weekend apple-picking and singing Glee karaoke instead of writing abstracts and outlining drafts. 

High: it is Saturday night, and I am going to bed early! and tomorrow I won't be tired and I will do all my homework and go to panflute ensemble rehearsal and everything will be great!