Dear Blog,
I am making apple butter tonight. Frankly, I do not know why everyone is not making apple butter right this instant. All I did was chop up apples and throw them in a crock pot with some other stuff! Hours later, presumably I will get apple butter and then I can spread it on toast if I have toast and if I don't have toast I can spread it on pancakes, because I always have pancakes - it's a fact of life. If it is so delicious and also so easy, it makes no sense no to make apple butter right now. I canceled my participation in all activities outside of my apartment for the evening, so that I could stay here, cook apple butter, and work uninterrupted from now until FOREVER or tomorrow, whichever comes first. I am weary of working, but more than anything, I believe I have not been doing a good job acknowledging that I may in fact have social needs as well as material ones. Unfortunately, making friends is not as easy as making apple butter. In order to have meaningful social relationships, you have to invest time and energy in a sustained way over a period of time and have that time and energy be reciprocated. Lately, I have either failed to make initial effort or have been disappointed by nonreciprocal relationships, and as a result I have sort of tried to convince myself I don't need anything of that sort. Not true! While cooking might seem reciprocal and mutually gratifying - you cook the apples, they get to become more concentrated and delicious, you get to eat apple butter, they get to be useful - I need someone to make me laugh and make me feel better in weeks like this one where I feel daunted by the amount of stuff going on. I need to work on cultivating those kinds of relationships, but it will have to wait until I am less swamped and more ready to venture out of my apartment.
All the best,
Brita
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